"The Mother Of All Urban Legends"I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN, and he saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" But he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!"
He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year 2000 rolls around. His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $600 Neiman Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true-I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disneyworld vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.) The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital-the one, actually, where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives.
I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to twenty people you will have good luck but ten people you will only have ok luck and if you send it to less than ten people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along without his lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation. And it's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.
"The Mother of all E-Mail Bombs"If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet. It will rewrite your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so that all your ice cream melts. It will de-magnetize the strips on all your credit cards, mar the tracking on your VCR, and use the subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play. It will give your very ex-love interest your new phone number. It will mix anti-freeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when company is coming over. It will put a dead fish in the back pocket of your good suit and hide your car keys when you are late for work. "Badtimes" will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current love interest behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Visa card. It reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear. It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It causes a sudden, severe, unheretofore suspected allergy to your dog! It will leave libidinous messages on your boss' voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. "Badtimes" will give you Dutch elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your bath tub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase high school kids with your snow blower. These are just a few of the things this virus can do.
Be warned......."Badtimes" is BAD!
Information on these Urban Legends and other Internet Hoaxes can be found athttp://www.scambusters.org/legends.html
On their site, in addition to the links, they have
information on the following hoaxes, rumors, false virus
warnings, and urban legends.
How many of these have you received?
- Microsoft/AOL email beta test
- Taco Bell Chihuahua on screen
- Hewlett-Packard/Gateway Merge - Free Computers
- Procter & Gamble Satanist rumor
- Free M&Ms
- Wobbler Virus
- Free Gap Clothes
- Postage Tax Hoax - Bill 602P
- Breast Cancer Prevention/Anti-Perspirant Causes It
- Netscape/AOL Merge - New Email Tracking System
- Problems with your AOL Account
- Curt B. Please Forward Chain Letter
- Bug's Life Screensaver Virus
- Free Beer from Miller Brewing Company
- Social Security Number Racial Code
- David "Darren" Bucklew Chain Letter
- Cool Video Clip Chain Letter
- Febreze Warning
- Tommy Hilfiger Rumor
- The Great "Gas Out"
- Canadian email charge
- LSD & Strychnine on Pay Phone Buttons
- Madeline Murray O'Hare Chain Letter
- February 2000 Will Have 30 Days
- Needles in Phone Slots
- Pregnant Roach at Taco Bell
- A.I.D.S. Virus/Open: Very Cool
- Body Stuffed With Cocaine
- Flashing Headlights
- Blue Star Tattoos
- Tampon Warning
- It Takes Guts to Say 'Jesus' Virus Warning
- Snakes at Burger King
- AOL Instant Message Users
- AOL Riot
- Notice of Investigation
- Budweiser Frog ScreenSaver Virus
- Veterans Eligible For GI Dividends
- Woman Shopping at Tuttle Mall
- Shampoo Alert
- Waterproof Sunscreen Warning
- Win A Holiday Virus
- Welcome to the World of AIDs/Needles at the Movies
- Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe
- Bill Gates Message
- Bill Gates and Disney Version
- Join the Crew
- Little girl dying of cancer
- Cleaning the Internet
- Gerber Baby Bond
- 90# Telephone Scam
- Per Minute Charges for Internet Service
- Long Distance Charge for Internet
- Free Shoes from Nike
- Kidney Thieves
This information was gathered from the Institute of Management Accountants national Website, http://web.imanet.org/and is reproduced here for the benefit of all those good folks who forward these on to me in good faith.
Thanks to KenChaplin for bringing this to my attention
Legal Disclaimer: http://web.imanet.org/migs/legaldisclaimer.htm
Netiquette Guidelines: http://web.imanet.org/migs/netiquette.htm
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